The Daily Parker

Politics, Weather, Photography, and the Dog

Joke: Mistresses

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, "I like both."

"Both?"

"Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

Submitted by reader M.G.

Joke: Talmudic logic

After months of negotiation, a Jewish scholar from Odessa was granted permission to visit Moscow. He boarded the train and found an empty seat.

At the next stop a young man got on and sat next to him. The scholar looked at the young man and thought: This fellow doesn't look like a peasant, and if he isn't a peasant he probably comes from this district. If he comes from this district, he must be Jewish because this is, after all, the Jewish district.

On the other hand, if he is a Jew where could he be going? I'm the only one in our district who has permission to travel to Moscow.

Wait - just outside Moscow there is a little village called Samvet, and you don't need special permission to go there.

But why would he be going to Samvet? He's probably going to visit one of the Jewish families there, but how many Jewish families are there in Samvet? Only two—the Bernsteins and the Steinbergs. The Bernsteins are a terrible family, so he must be visiting the Steinbergs.

But why is he going? The Steinbergs have only girls, so maybe he's their son- in-law. But if he is, then which daughter did he marry?

Sarah married that nice lawyer from Budapest and Esther married a businessman from Zhadomir, so it must be Sarah's husband. Which means that his name is Alexander Cohen, if I'm not mistaken. But if he comes from Budapest, with all the anti-Semitism they have there, he must have changed his name. What's the Hungarian equivalent of Cohen? Kovacs.

But if he changed his name he must have some special status. What could it be? A doctorate from the university.

At this point the scholar turns to the young man and said "How do you do, Dr. Kovacs?"

"Very well, thank you, sir" answered the startled passenger.

"But how is it that you know my name?"

"Oh," replied the scholar, "it was obvious."

Submitted by reader E.S.

Loder and Lando

Taken at a press conference, 17 January 2000:

Cast photo 17 January 2000

Left to right: Anne Marie Loder ("Sophie"), Joe Lando ("Peter").

Photo Copyright ©2000 Michael Braverman. Used by permission.

Submitted by reader M.B.

Fox Press Release, 31 January 2000

Fox Family Channel Takes on Teen Suicide in Special Episode of "Higher Ground"

Network to Air Special PSA and Help Hotline for Teens

Los Angeles, Jan. 31—Fox Family Channel will air a powerful new episode of the new one-hour drama series "Higher Ground," centered around the growing problem of teen suicide this Friday, February 4 at 9-10 PM ET/PT. The network will end the episode with a specially produced PSA featuring a toll free suicide prevention hotline.

In this thought-provoking hour entitled "Hope Falls," a new student commits suicide, which shakes Hannah's (Deborah Odell) faith in her ability to effectively counsel her teen charges, eventually motivating her to resign. The student's death evokes an unexpected reaction of anger throughout the school, compelling school founder Frank (Jim Byrnes) to take the students on a difficult trek to beautiful Hope Falls, the sight where his own son overdosed 22 years ago. This episode was written by John Mandel, with input from a professionally trained counseling team, who ensured that this difficult subject was treated in a way that will help any troubled teens or families facing this issue.

After this special episode, Fox Family Channel will present a Public Service Announcement with Joe Lando urging teens who need someone to talk to or those who know of someone in trouble to call 1-800-SUICIDE. This phone number will connect callers to the NATIONAL HOPE LINE NETWORK, where 20 local crisis centers nationwide are ready to take the calls.

"This is the type of television that most programmers are too skittish to deal with. What I found to be the greatest strength of the film is that it takes a no-nonsense approach in addressing the impact of suicide on peers," explains Dr. Jay Nagdimon, who is the director of the Suicide Prevention Center of the Didi Hirsch Community Mental Health Center. "It was very honest and realistic that the other youngsters felt angry at Isaac. This reaction is common and the show allowed an opportunity for that anger to be dealt with."

"The situation depicted in 'Hope Falls' is very realistic," explains Dr. Elaine Leader, the Executive Director of Teen Line, a teen-to-teen telephone helpline affiliated with Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. "It is not uncommon for teens to experience moodiness, depression or the feeling of chaos in their lives. These problems are treatable, when recognized early. However, a serious depression may lead to suicide, so adults need to be aware of the warning signs. Also, since young people readily identify with each other, when a young person commits suicide it can trigger other teens. It's important, therefore, that feelings be dealt with and processed as soon as possible to avoid further tragedies."

Two of television's most successful producers, Emmy-Award winning Michael Braverman ("Chicago Hope" and "Life Goes On") and Doug Schwartz (the international smash "Baywatch"), together with Canadian producer Harold Tichenor ("Night Man") and a star of one of the decade's most enduring series, Joe Lando (Sully of "Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman"), bring their considerable creative forces to "Higher Ground," a simmering mix of compelling drama, intense relationships and spectacular action as at-risk teens try to put their lives back together.

Set at a wilderness school in the Pacific Northwest, the series tracks the progress of at-risk teens as their teachers and counselors guide their quest to put their lives back on the right course. All the while, they still cope with crushes, parents, heartbreaks and each other. Showcasing picturesque surroundings and intense, involving storylines, "Higher Ground" boasts an array of fresh new faces, including Hayden Christensen (The Virgin Suicides), A.J. Cook, Meghan Ory (The Darklings), Kyle Downes ("Are You Afraid of the Dark?"), Kandyse McClure (The Spiral Staircase) and Jorge Vargas (Excess Baggage). Higher Ground also stars Jim Byrnes ("Wiseguy," "The Highlander") and Anne Marie Loder ("Due South").

Fox Family Channel, which premiered on August 15, 1998 as a revitalized version of The Family Channel, is a division of International Family Entertainment, Inc. The family-targeted basic cable network available in 75.3 million homes nationwide delivers a dynamic mix of original and acquired series, specials and movies for the entire family.

CONTACT: Isabella Ironside of Fox Family Channel, 310-235-5532

Higher Ground

This is an archival page.

Higher Ground ended its run in May, 2000; we maintain these pages for their historical interest.

Higher Ground

Keep checking this page for information and goodies from Fox Family Channel's original drama series "Higher Ground."

News

Hayden Skywalker

George Lucas has signed Hayden Christensen to a two-film deal to play Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars episodes 2 and 3. According to sources close to the production, Christensen came to Lucas' attention because of the Higher Ground pilot episode.

Congratulations Hayden!

Fox Tweeldedee

Fox Family Channel pulled Episode 5 less than a day after issuing this press release. Not a good sign.

Photos

Higher Ground cast

Taken at a press conference, 17 January 2000:

Cast photo 17 January 2000

Right to left: Abbie Charette (Fox Family Channel), Anne Marie Loder ("Sophie"), Hayden Christensen ("Scott"), Meghan Ory ("Juliette"), Kandyse McClure ("Katherine"), Michael Braverman (Executive Producer), A.J. Cook ("Shelby"), Kyle Downes ("Ezra"), Jewel Staite ("Daisy"), Jorgito Vargas, Jr. ("Auggie"), Lance Robbins (Fox Family Channel).

Photo ©2000 Michael Braverman. Used by permission.

Submitted by reader M.B.

Joke: the Dress of Love

An old woman went to visit her daughter and found her naked, waiting for her husband.

The mother asks the daughter, "What are you doing naked?" The daughter responds, "This is the dress of love."

When the mother returns home, she strips naked and waits for her husband. When her husband arrives, he asks her, "What are you doing naked?"

She responds, "This is the dress of love."

"Well," he says to her, "go iron it."

Submitted by reader S.P.

Joke: Another Elderly Driver

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Trooper sees a car puttering along at 22 m.p.h. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies—two in the front seat and three in the back, wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma’am," the officer replies, "you weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly: twenty–two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Trooper, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask...Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks.

"Oh, they’ll be all right in a minute, officer. We just got off Route 119."

Submitted by reader S.P.

List: Concert choir vocabulary

Aleatoric Music
Music composed by the random selection of pitches and rhythms. Frequently found in the choir anthem.
Antiphonal
Leaving your answering machine on all the time.
Augmentation
Special surgery for altos involving the implantation of falsettos.
Basso Continuo
When the director can’t get them to stop.
Cantus Firmus
A singer in good physical condition. As opposed to the "Cantus phlabbious" (See Sackbutt)
Castrato
The highest male voice (some alteration required).
Chorale Partitas
Small choir get–togethers that are frequently interrupted by the police.
Concerto Grosso
An accordion concert.
Contralto
An alto who has been convicted.
Dominant
In a choral relationship, usually the alto.
Etude
What comes right before the Beatitudes.
Glissando
What directly precedes the highest note of a descant.
Grand Pause
When the conductor loses his place.
Heterophony
The only kind of music allowed at the Southern Baptist Convention.
Leitmotif
Like a regular motif, but less filling.
Perfect Pitch
Throwing a banjo in the dumpster without hitting the sides.
Phantasie
An alto in a leather choir robe.
Polonaise
A condiment frequently put on a parrot sandwich.
Polychoral Motet
Six parrots singing "Exultate Justi."
Recapitulation
What usually happens after you eat a parrot sandwich.
Riff
What happens when someone takes your choir robe.
Rondo
A popular sixties song, as in "Help, help me, Rondo."
Sackbutt
A choral singer over 50.
Score
Tenors 3, Basses 2.
Sectional Harassment Lawsuit
What happens when the director suggests that the sopranos "Sing from their diaphragm"
Smorzando
The "All–You–Can–Eat" buffet at Luciano’s.
Theme
We hate this anthem.
Theme and Variations
We hate this anthem, the composer and all of the composer’s relatives.
Tonic
What is generally enjoyed over ice after choir rehearsal.

Submitted by reader J.J.

Joke: the Octopus

A guy walks into a bar with an octopus.

He sits the octopus down on a stool and tells everyone in the bar that this is a very talented octopus. He can play any musical instrument in the world. He hears everyone in the crowd laughing at him, so he says that he will wager $50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can't play.

A man walks up and gives the octopus a guitar. The octopus starts playing better than Yngwie Malmsteen, just rippin' it up. So the man pays his $50.

Another guy walks up with a trumpet. The octopus plays the trumpet better than Chuck Mangione. So the man pays his $50.

Then a Scotsman walks up with bagpipes. He sits them down and the octopus fumbles with it for a minute and sits it down with a confused look.

"Ha!" the Scot says. "Ye canna play it?"

The octopus looks up at him and says, "Play it? I'm going to fuck it as soon as I figure out how to get its pyjamas off."

Submitted by reader B.P.