The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles, such as:
- WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
- WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.
- WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
- WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
- WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
- WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.
- WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).
- WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
- WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Bruiser.
- WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
- WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing with you.
- WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause variations in your time-space continuum, wherein small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
- WARNING: consumption of alcohol may actually cause pregnancy.
Submitted by reader C.K.