The Daily Parker

Aleatoric Music

Music composed by the random selection of pitches and rhythms. Frequently found in the choir anthem.

Antiphonal

Leaving your answering machine on all the time.

Augmentation

Special surgery for altos involving the implantation of falsettos.

Basso Continuo

When the director can’t get them to stop.

Cantus Firmus

A singer in good physical condition. As opposed to the "Cantus phlabbious" (See Sackbutt)

Castrato

The highest male voice (some alteration required).

Chorale Partitas

Small choir get–togethers that are frequently interrupted by the police.

Concerto Grosso

An accordion concert.

Contralto

An alto who has been convicted.

Dominant

In a choral relationship, usually the alto.

Etude

What comes right before the Beatitudes.

Glissando

What directly precedes the highest note of a descant.

Grand Pause

When the conductor loses his place.

Heterophony

The only kind of music allowed at the Southern Baptist Convention.

Leitmotif

Like a regular motif, but less filling.

Perfect Pitch

Throwing a banjo in the dumpster without hitting the sides.

Phantasie

An alto in a leather choir robe.

Polonaise

A condiment frequently put on a parrot sandwich.

Polychoral Motet

Six parrots singing "Exultate Justi."

Recapitulation

What usually happens after you eat a parrot sandwich.

Riff

What happens when someone takes your choir robe.

Rondo

A popular sixties song, as in "Help, help me, Rondo."

Sackbutt

A choral singer over 50.

Score

Tenors 3, Basses 2.

Sectional Harassment Lawsuit

What happens when the director suggests that the sopranos "Sing from their diaphragm"

Smorzando

The "All–You–Can–Eat" buffet at Luciano’s.

Theme

We hate this anthem.

Theme and Variations

We hate this anthem, the composer and all of the composer’s relatives.

Tonic

What is generally enjoyed over ice after choir rehearsal.

Submitted by reader J.J.