Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded
up Jack's station wagon and headed north. After driving for
a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They
pulled into a nearby farm house and asked the attractive
lady of the house if they could spend the night.
"I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the
neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."
"Not to worry," Jack said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the
Nine months later, Jack got a letter from the widow's
attorney. He called up his friend Bob and said:
"Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow at the
farm we stayed at?"
"Yes, I do."
"Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go
up to the house and have sex with her?"
"Yes, I have to admit that I did."
"Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your
Bob's face turns red and he said, "Yeah, I'm afraid I did."
"Well, thanks! She just died and left me everything!"
Submitted by reader G.G.
The captain of a Syrian airliner sends out a distress message: "Mayday, mayday,
mayday, Syrian 174, flame out engine one, we want to land at
any airport in the Mid-East that's not in Israel."
A short while later he announces, "Mayday, Syrian 174, flame out engines one
and two, requesting permission to land at any airport
in the Mid-East OTHER than in Israel."
A while later the captain announces, "Mayday, Syrian 174, we are
desperate. We have lost two engines and are losing the third. We need
to land at any airport in the Mid-East OTHER than in Israel."
Still no answer.
Finally, the captain calls, "Help! This is Syrian Airlines 174, we have only
one engine left and it is rapidly failing. Unless we can land we are going to
crash. We need permission to land at ANY airport, INCLUDING in Israel."
A voice is heard in the Syrian airline cockpit:
"Shalom Syrian 174, Tel Aviv Approach. Radar contact over the Mediterrenean,
eight-five west of Tel Aviv. We stand ready to assist."
"God bless you," says the Syrian pilot. "What should we do?"
"Repeat after me: Yitgadal, v'yitkadash..."
Submitted by reader L.P.
During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a
fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a
crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.
"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare
yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."
Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's lined face, then at the
single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep
breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the
fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question.
"Will I be acquitted?"
Submitted by reader S.S.