The Daily Parker

I'm forced to watch TBS while the Cubs are in the playoffs—at least until I'm forced to watch (shudder) Fox—so I'm seeing TV ads ("commercials" in the vernacular) as if anew.

Aside from the NLDS being brought to us by erections, I'm trying to wrap my mind around Gillette running ads in favor of their new 5-blade razor by trashing their existing 3-blade razor. I happen to use their 3-blade razor. I think I could probably make do with two blades, or even one; but seriously, five? And why trash your own product to sell your new product? (By the way, I hate all-Flash sites. I want steak, not sizzle, which I think makes me un-Mercun.)

And if I have to see one 60-something dude waggling his eyebrows at his wife again while another 60-something dude extols the virtues of hard-ons...that doesn't bollocks. That's almost enough to want the NLDS to end already.

I couldn't figure out who the GOP VP candidate reminded me of until just now.

She's Dolores Umbridge—with lipstick.

How is it that the team with the most wins in the league faces a team that ended four games over .500 and then falls apart? It's just sad. You'd think in a hundred years someone would figure out why the Cubs can't win the pennant.

Sadly, between the two of them, the English language will be the loser in this debate. (All times Central U.S.)

20:04: First laugh line of the debate: "John McCain is a reformer."

20:08: "Team of mavericks." WTF?

20:15: First, "I'm not going to answer the questions." Second, she eliminated the fool tax? What, she was tired of paying it?

20:23: I just noticed Palin's "mine's-bigger-than-yours" lapel pin. Bless her heart.

20:30: Let's create jobs by not buying any more foreign oil? I think she's stumping for Alaska, not McCain. Also, I think the causes of climate change might have some bearing on the solutions to it, but that's too advanced for Corky.

20:38: You know, people who truly believe adults should be able to chose their own partners don't have to read from a card to state their positions.

20:47: No! I will not countenance four more years of "Nucular!"

20:57: Clear thinking yields clear speech. Now, Eisenhower famously obfuscated when he wanted to but possessed a keen and thoughtful mind that helped us win World War II. In that light, Palin may be similarly concealing a towering intellect, but I'm guessing not.

21:04: If she doesn't know how the Senate works, how can she be its president? More worrying, why doesn't she see this as a problem?

21:06: My dog has left the room because I keep screaming at the TV.

21:11: "Say it ain't so Joe, and there you go again"? WTF?

21:20: Reagan didn't say "shining city on a hill." That was John Winthrop, in the 1630s.

21:18: Has Palin ever actually read the Constitution?

21:26: Not that it's relevant to the debate, but certainly it is to my mood: the Cubs are losing 5-0 in the 3rd.

21:32: Can't say that changed anything, but as an alumnus of

It just occurred to me: three of the four candidates for President and Vice President live in the 1st, 48th, and 49th states, and the fourth was born in the 50th. One way or another (and you know which way I prefer), a state that didn't exist when half of the candidates were born will send its first citizen (or native) to the White House.

Did anyone else notice this?

Why? Because both the Cubs and the White Sox are still playing baseball. Chicago's minor-league team on the South Side won a 1-run game against Minnesota to clinch the American League Central Division last night to the total underwhelm of those of us who live north of Roosevelt Road. They now get to play the Tampa Bay Rays, starting tomorrow afternoon.

I have to concede there is some history here. The last time both teams played in the post-season, the Cubs beat the White Sox in the World Series—the 1906 World Series.

Tonight: Game 1 of the National Leage Division Series at Wrigley Field, 5:30 pm CDT. Eamus Catuli!

At this writing, The Economist's readers prefer Obama 8,146 to 3.

No, that's not a typo, it really is a ratio of 2700:1.

I should point out, The Economist is a conservative newspaper.

Of course, as McCain's supporters would be quick to point out, their readership is almost exclusively highly-educated, well-read, and wealthy, not the sorts of people you'd want to hunt moose with. Good thing they're not running the world or anything.

Let's review.

President Clinton, the "tax-and-spend" Democrat, left office with a $122 billion surplus.

President Bush, the "conservative" Republican, is on track to leave office with a $10,000 billion debt. I say $10,000 billion because "$10 trillion" seems smaller than "$10,000,000,000,000" but is in fact the same number.

Or put another way: Clinton, +$122,000,000,000; Bush, (-$10,000,000,000,000).

More personally: Clinton left every American with $428.07 in Government surplus; Bush will leave each of us $33,000 in debt[1].

President Clinton had a Republican (i.e., hostile) Congress for 6 out of 8 years. President Bush has had a Republican (i.e., friendly) Congress for 6 out of 8 years.

So, tell me again, which party uses your money more responsibly? Are you better off than you were 4 years ago? Eight? Are you angry yet?

Polls open in 35 days and 4 hours.

[1] I used population figures of 295 million for 2000 and 305 million for 2008, which probably gives Dubya the benefit of the estimate.

Polls open in five weeks (and a few hours).

If you have a few extra bucks, you may want to donate to your party's congressional or senatorial committees, particularly if you're annoyed with today's vote. You can also harrangue your neighbors: check out FundRace to see who's giving what to whom.